27
Jul
Classic Slug
Subject: Weekend swapÂSlug,
Sorry for the delay in getting back to you, this term is pretty much fully booked already and we have had trouble coming up with a suitable swap that would work for us.
Also, whilst we recognize that it’s important for SD9 to spend time with her relatives, it is also valuable for the children to be part of our family and our events, and we have a family birthday scheduled for the weekend of the 25th August.
That said, I would be prepared to swap it for the weekend of the 25th November, as that is when my birthday celebration will be and at least SD9 will then not miss out on every birthday celebration with us this year.
Please let us know if this works for you.
CFDH
Subject: Re:Weekend swap
CFDH
Here we go again. It is interesting how every single time the children would like a swap of week-ends you’re ONLY prepared to do it to your ‘gain’, instead of just a simple swap between one week-end and the one either following it or the one before it.
You can’t tell me you have every week-end booked. The kids come home telling me they’ve had a boring week-end on most occasions they’re with you and that they haven’t done anything much. It’s only suddenly now when SD9 wants a swap that you’re saying everything is booked up.I asked you to swap the week-ends August 25 with August 18. A simple swap. It doesn’t have to be a swap that benefits your agenda in some way. This isn’t about you. It is about the children and what is best for them and/or what they want for their lives. Once again you’re making it about you – regarding your birthday week-end. You’re trying to make it about SD9 – and her not missing out – but we both know that’s not the truth of the matter. You need to learn to put yourself aside and make it about the kids. As for your birthday celebration – your birthday is in the middle of the week, so you could celebrate it the week-end after rather than the week-end before – then you could ensure that you have both the kids present.
You know full well that if you asked SD9 if she’d prefer to spend the week-end with her cousin or go to the birthday celebration of someone who might be your family member (but not hers – and she’ll be quick to tell you that too if you ask her) there’s no question about her choice.
By only being prepared to swap to suit your self agenda, you’re leaving a very bad taste in the children’s mouths and making your access time with them bitter sweet. When they talk to me about swapping week-ends now I tell them they need to sort it out with you because it’s something they want to do – nothing to do with me. I NEVER try to arrange for a swap to suit my plans. I make my plans around the children – you need to be prepared to do the same if you want them to spend happy times with you. I only emailed you about this issue because SD9 begged and begged. It is VERY important to her.
As it so happens – November 25 is a week-end when we will be away – and I don’t have any choice but to say it’s not suitable – neither do I think a swap should be done between now and a week-end months away.
What concerns me now, and it should concern you too, is that if I tell SD9 the only week-end you can ‘manage’ a swap on is a week-end we’re going away, she’s not going to want to go to you on August 25. She’s already told me that she won’t go if you won’t swap. I’ve told her that if you won’t swap, she has to go and she’ll have a good time, but I know she will be a very unhappy girl. August 25 is important to her.
Re-think what you’re doing CFDH – for the sake of your relationship with your daughter. She loves you – I can see that – but some of things she says about you at times – it would break your heart if you heard them. I don’t let her get away with them and I tell her that even if she doesn’t like something you do or say she still has to obey you and be courteous to you, but you need to take care with your manoeuvring. She sees through it.
If you can’t do August 18 – how about doing August 4-6. Remember – this is about SD9 – not about what you can gain from it. Make any necessary week-ends swapping easy for the kids – not harder.
Hopefully I’ll hear back from you before you pick up the children this afternoon. I will talk to her about it after school.
Slug
DH is a contract accountant and has to work some weekends because 
end of financial year is 31st June, and the few months after is his busiest time of year.
He can’t have the skids whenever they want to come because he had clients booked some weekends and has to work and he only books clients on the weekends we planned on not having the kids.. so we can’t swap at all. We are booked. 
She’s crazy.
The weekend of the 25th is my birthday. We had some fun girlie things planned for the day as SS12 will be on camp.
The “not her family” comment is referring to me.
This comment supposedly from a kid who against her Mother’s PAS influence bought me a Mother’s Day present, which was all her own idea.
