Step Lair

Subject: Swap

Slug,

We discussed the swap with SD9 over the weekend, and SD9 and I have decided on the weekend of the 28th October as the make-up weekend for the 25th August weekend.

Thanks

CFDH

Her crazy reply:

CFDH,

Your suggested date is too far down the track – a swap needs to be done as soon after the changed week-end as possible. SD9 and I talked about it – she told me she did not decide on a week-end with you. If you want a make-up week-end with her – it needs to be this school term – either September 9 or 22. Nothing after that date is available at this stage.

Slug

So, she has the whole of 4th term booked up, but all of 3rd term is free for the swaps she keeps demanding. I don’t think so!

She read this email at 9:15am from work, and responded at 10:30am from work. (We track all of her emails with readnotify.com) So how could she talk to SD9 who was at school? Answer is: she didn’t! She’s lying!

“If you want a make-up weekend it has to be”..??? Doesn’t she get that if we do not get a make-up weekend that suits us we will not be swapping!

I’m not sure where she got the “rule” that a swap needed to be done ASAP. Out of her , probably.

Poor SD9 is going to miss out on seeing her cousins because her mother wants to play these stupid games. Poor kid.

My proposed response (DH may modify it):

Slug,

I find it hard to believe that you have every weekend booked in 4th term, but every weekend in 3rd term is available for a swap, and as far as I’m aware there is no rule that says that a swap has to happen in a certain timeframe to be in the best interests of the children. As I will not see SD9 over the October School holidays, I would have thought an extra weekend soon afterwards to reconnect would have been beneficial.

If you are not prepared to work with us to find a suitable weekend, then unfortunately we can’t do a swap, and I will be picking up SD9 on the 25th August as per the court order. I know she will be disappointed to miss out on seeing her cousins. It’s a shame you are not prepared to work with us in a civil and honest manner to facilitate it.

As evidenced by the email Cornflower received from SD9 after the children returned home, SD9 is very well aware that we had come to a decision about the date. As she is only 9 years old she could not remember it to pass on to you because she was focused on checking with you about the 25th of November. She was surprised to hear of your plans for going away on that weekend, as that is when she would have preferred to come. Frankly I think it is too much to ask of her, for you to insist that she be put in the middle of negotiating these arrangements. I’m not surprised she did not want to discuss it with you.

Some of MutualFriend’s divorced friends have a “no swap” policy because of the unnecessary tension and conflict it creates for everyone involved.

This would be a good way for us to proceed in future.

CFDH

I’m OVER the of swaps!!!

I was interested to hear how many of you don’t do swaps. I wish we could be more flexible to accomodate the kids, but and her games mean we can’t.